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Saturday, June 23, 2007

BIG BROTHER, OR BIG MOMMA?

When Spike told me that New York City was thinking about paying kids to show up for class, I thought he’d finally lost his mind. And when Spike told me that the Big Apple was going to reward poor folks for not getting fired, I packed Spike’s suitcase drove him to the farm.


Come to find out, he was right.


Students could receive as much as $500.00 per year if they do well on tests, and should they graduate, they will get $400.00 along with a diploma. Students who get a library card will receive $50.00


Poor people can make an extra $150.00 for keeping a full time job, and $200.00 for going to the dentist.


When I was a kid, back when parents raised their children and not the Government, we had incentive programs. If you received poor grades you were given an increase in study time. If you didn’t graduate, you were given a low paying job. If you filled out a library card, you were given a book.


Grown-ups had incentives too. If they were fired they got bills they could not pay, and if they didn’t get regular dental checkups, they got cavities.


Way I figure it; Spike can have this new world. I’m packing my suitcase and heading for the farm.

SOMEONE DONE STOLE A LAKE

People will steal anything nowadays. When I was growing up you could leave your house and car unlocked. We didn't even have to chain our bikes to a rack.

Monday, June 18, 2007

BASEBALL SIGNS

My eight year old nephew Joel is a second baseman. He wants to pitch.
Yesterday his dad taught him the basics: how to hold the ball for different pitches, how to keep an eye on the runner, and the different signs the catcher flashes when calling pitch selection.
After a couple hours, Joel was flashed a series of signs and told to name each one. Dad held his hand down and showed the forefinger.
"Fast ball!"
Two fingers were flashed.
"Curve ball!"
Dad was pleased. He then pointed his middle finger down, the sign for a brush back to move the batter off the plate.
Joel shook his head.
"What's the sign, son?"
"I don't know."
"We went over it. Now think. What's the sign?"
Joel shrugged his shoulders and stammered, "F#@k you?"

I think Joel's staying at second.