LITTER BUGS PROTEST ACROSS U.S.

Last night I dreamt that Litter Bugs marched across the Nation, protesting unfair fines, claiming their civil rights are being violated by an unfair administration. The protesters loudly demanded the government recognize the rights of Litter Bugs and that they be treated with dignity. Litter Bugs also called for unconditional amnesty for those who have littered in the past.
What they didn’t do was address the fact that littering is a crime, nor did they make it clear why they should be exempt from committing this crime while others have to abide by that same law.

And when the Litter Bugs turned violent, when they starting throwing trash at law enforcement agents, the police had no choice but to respond. And now the police are being investigated.

Thank God it was only a dream.

SPAZ HAS GONE CRACKERS

Shara, over at My Deal of the Day,
suggested that I submit this photo of Spaz to Stuff on My Cat.

I did. Thanks, Shara.

I've had some strange animals live with me through the years, but Spaz is in a class of her own. She slaps me awake every morning when she's ready for breakfast. At the end of the night, as I go about the house shutting of the lights, Spaz grabs a quick drink, makes a trip to the litter box, and makes a mad dash for the bedroom to secure her side of the bed. I'm use to the left side but have grown weary arguing with her.

When we have a spat, Spaz shakes her head violently, screaming like a rabbit caught in the talons of a barn owl. She'll stomp off, only to return when she's hungry again.

One morning I found her stuck in a large vase with her tail and hind legs stretched toward the ceiling. She never made a sound. I think she was embarrassed.

Another time, when I was repairing the flush mechanism on the toilet, she dove into the open tank. I found her clutching the rim, eyes wide, soaked from the neck down.

Maybe I should have flushed.

SPIKE BUYS A PHOTO ALBUM

Spike and I went yard sailing Saturday. Spike is my brain tumor, and since we are going to be together for awhile, I decided to name him. Actually, he picked the name Spike. I wanted to call him Leon.

We had a poor start. I had a headache and wanted to sleep in, but Spike kept calling me Nancy-boy, so I threw back the covers and we hit the road. Despite the pleasant weather not many folks were holding sales. And the first three were duds. Nothing but baby clothes and Family Dollar do dads. I was ready to head for home, but Spike insisted we keep looking for loot.

Spike fancies himself a pirate. To him, yard sale signs are treasure maps and he's always ready to dig for booty. He'll swagger across a yard full of junk, despite his limp, searching for pieces of eight, McCoy pottery, old books, gold doubloons, and vintage fishing lures. The pirate wants me to wear an eye patch. I might do it if it will shut him up.

Spike pointed out a yard sale sign I missed. I hit the brakes and made the turn. We drove a couple of miles but couldn't find the place. I was ready to give up but Spike told me to keep driving. We rounded a curve and found the joint. Spike starting singing something about a bottle of rum as we got out of the car. Now, Spike ain't got the best voice, and people were starting to snicker, so I told him to shut the hell up.

I found a bunch of books. Four leather bound Jeppesen Airway Manuals,
a couple of turn of the century religious pamphlets, and an old telephone directory from Virginia.

Spike found another old photograph album. Spike likes to pretend the photos of strangers he finds at yard sales are his family. When the woman holding the sale asked Spike if he was creating an instant family, Spike told her, "My relatives aren't that good looking and I'm replacing them with a better looking class of people."

That's Spike. The guy's a nut.

COMMON SENSE DIES TODAY

OBITUARY


Common Sense, a popular resident of long standing, died today. According to reports, she chocked on a ham sandwich while reading the Sunday Times.

She is preceded in death by her father, Good Sense, her mother, Horse Sense, and an elder brother, Yankee Ingenuity.

She is survived by two nieces, Paula Cole Correctness and Lotta Hype, and a nephew, Rush T. Judgment.

In lieu of flowers, the family requests mourners send donations to the following organizations:

ACLU

GET THE HAM OUT FOUNDATION

DON IMUS EFFIGY FUND

ROSIE FOR PRESIDENT CAMPAIGN FUND