A NEW KIND OF HERO

The jerk who stole the bike belonging to a missing coed said he took it because he needed parts for his own bike. And if someone leaves a bike sitting unattended, it's takers keepers. He did acknowledge the bike was chained up, but shrugged that off. Oh well, his bad.

And his lawyer claims he's a hero for notifying the police. HERO!!!!!

MY RESIGNATION

After much deliberation, I have decided to tender my resignation. Effective immediately, I no longer wish to be a member of the human race. The reasons for withdrawing membership should be obvious to most, however I will list a few considerations for clarity's sake.

Common Sense died and no one went to her funeral.

As proof I offer the following tidbits.

1. The government is considering issuing a FAT tax. At the same time, several states are banning TAG in school. God forbid the little tikes should run off a few pounds.

2. Looking for a needle in a haystack? Well, you better not limit your search for long, thin, sharp, metallic items with a point at one end and a hole at the other. Folks might think you are profiling.

The Haves and The Have-You-Lost-Your-Minds?

3. Money and fame is the name of the game. And if you don't believe me just ask Pete Rose, Jose Canseco, O.J. Simpson, Kobe Bryant, Robert Blake, Barry Bonds, Michael Vick, Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Mel Gibson.

Everybody's Talking And No One Is Saying Anything.

4. If I have to listen to one more loudmouth yacking in her cellphone, I'm going to lose it: I don't want to know about her colonoscopy. I could care less about his promotion. If you want to talk on the phone get out of the movie theater. Pull off the road. Get out of line. Step outside the waiting room. And for the love of God, take that silly looking headset of your noggin before I send you back to the proctologist.