HAM MY ASS

A pre-teen put food on a table, in a school cafeteria, and now faces possible hate crime charges.

O.K., it was ham, like the kind you find on a pig's ass. And the students he put it in front of are Muslim. But a crime?

We take things too seriously these days. When I was in the fifth grade our teacher asked the class where our ancestors came from. I told the class my Mom's side of the family came from Germany. This was back in the mid sixties. In the South.

The next day I found swastikas carved on my books. Now, I was ticked. I wasn't a Nazi. And my momma wasn't no Nazi. During recess I found the kids who did the carving and I lit into them like a cyclone in a hay field. When the oats separated from the chaff, two of the three had black eyes and the third was sporting a blood splattered shirt. And I was no longer a Nazi. The next day the four of us went bass fishing together.

And that was that. No one was charged. The school didn't get involved. The sheriff wasn't called. We settled things and moved on. Eventually, we grew up and left childish things to the children.