After much deliberation, I have decided to tender my resignation. Effective immediately, I no longer wish to be a member of the human race. The reasons for withdrawing membership should be obvious to most, however I will list a few considerations for clarity's sake.
As proof I offer the following tidbits.
1. The government is considering issuing a FAT tax. At the same time, several states are banning TAG in school. God forbid the little tikes should run off a few pounds.
2. Looking for a needle in a haystack? Well, you better not limit your search for long, thin, sharp, metallic items with a point at one end and a hole at the other. Folks might think you are profiling.
3. Money and fame is the name of the game. And if you don't believe me just ask Pete Rose, Jose Canseco, O.J. Simpson, Kobe Bryant, Robert Blake, Barry Bonds, Michael Vick, Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Mel Gibson.
4. If I have to listen to one more loudmouth yacking in her cellphone, I'm going to lose it: I don't want to know about her colonoscopy. I could care less about his promotion. If you want to talk on the phone get out of the movie theater. Pull off the road. Get out of line. Step outside the waiting room. And for the love of God, take that silly looking headset of your noggin before I send you back to the proctologist.
5 comments:
I'd like to resign, too.
What could we call ourselves if we resigned? The smart ones? There are times when I've felt the same way you do.
I'm with ya.. the world has gone to the crazies.
I'm so glad there are other people out there who see the cold hard truth. Everybody gets all offended when we mention obvious things like "there's a weight range for optimal health" or "people need to exercise" or "be considerate to others when in a public place". We now live in a crazy Me-Me-Me society.
I wish to resign too.
I had someone get mad at me for giving them a tip that online used books were cheaper. Apparently she was offended because she thought I was saying that because she was black, I didn't think she could afford new books.
According to her it had nothing to do with the fact that the book cost around 150, and if she listened to me she could get it for 40.
Hi Caren,
So true.... Self-absorption can cost one dearly.
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