FIFTEEN MINUTES OF SHAME

Adny Worhol's quarter hour term has finally ticked off. Time was, everyone had their fifteen minutes of fun in The Sun. We now face stranger days. The media is scouring the planet, looking for people to shame.

Michael Phelps swam his way to fame. But no one is safe from the media mobsters, and now Phelps has to swim through the sharks.

A woman in southern California gave birth to eight children. She already had six. The media blitz has left Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears valiantly looking for the paparazzi. The t.v. talking heads
are outraged. How dare a woman have so many children? How will she care for them? She'll have to go on welfare!!! When news broke that mom might make $2,000,000 doing an interview with Oprah, the same talking heads condemned her for birthing for profit. God forbid she makes money from an interview so she can care for her children. I guess she should let the government feed them.

How to keep a poker face

The eyes may be the windows to the soul, but at the poker table, the eyes are the windows to the hole. Hole cards, that is, and if you want a shot at the pot, you need to pull the blinds....Click title to read the rest

BEYOND THE GRAVE

My Grandmother and I had a pact, an unwavering commitment to slip through the veil separating the dead from the undead, to reconnect with a cold reminder, some subtle touch to tell the other of our presence. Whoever passed first would contact the other. We rarely spoke of it, such are the conventions of the southern soul, but I would occasionally catch a glint of remembrance in her rheumy eyes, a promise to be kept, a gift in the making.....

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A NEW KIND OF HERO

The jerk who stole the bike belonging to a missing coed said he took it because he needed parts for his own bike. And if someone leaves a bike sitting unattended, it's takers keepers. He did acknowledge the bike was chained up, but shrugged that off. Oh well, his bad.

And his lawyer claims he's a hero for notifying the police. HERO!!!!!

MY RESIGNATION

After much deliberation, I have decided to tender my resignation. Effective immediately, I no longer wish to be a member of the human race. The reasons for withdrawing membership should be obvious to most, however I will list a few considerations for clarity's sake.

Common Sense died and no one went to her funeral.

As proof I offer the following tidbits.

1. The government is considering issuing a FAT tax. At the same time, several states are banning TAG in school. God forbid the little tikes should run off a few pounds.

2. Looking for a needle in a haystack? Well, you better not limit your search for long, thin, sharp, metallic items with a point at one end and a hole at the other. Folks might think you are profiling.

The Haves and The Have-You-Lost-Your-Minds?

3. Money and fame is the name of the game. And if you don't believe me just ask Pete Rose, Jose Canseco, O.J. Simpson, Kobe Bryant, Robert Blake, Barry Bonds, Michael Vick, Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Mel Gibson.

Everybody's Talking And No One Is Saying Anything.

4. If I have to listen to one more loudmouth yacking in her cellphone, I'm going to lose it: I don't want to know about her colonoscopy. I could care less about his promotion. If you want to talk on the phone get out of the movie theater. Pull off the road. Get out of line. Step outside the waiting room. And for the love of God, take that silly looking headset of your noggin before I send you back to the proctologist.